I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
