I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
