You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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