The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
