he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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