Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
