I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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