There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
