i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
