One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
