it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
