I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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