Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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