I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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