why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
