Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
