Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
