Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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