hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
