AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We don't watch enough power rangers
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
