You're earring is so big in my mouth
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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