Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
