He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize