I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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