On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
