I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
