Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
