Soap is not a condiment
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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