i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
