My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
