yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
