I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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