Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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