I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
