Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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