operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
