It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
