He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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