I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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