Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
