who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
