If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
