can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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