so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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