I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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