i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
