Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
