I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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