when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
