if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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