I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
