dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
