Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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