Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
