there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
