My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
love makes seman taste better
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize