he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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