So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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