Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They took my balls.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
