the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
