I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
