Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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