he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
