I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
