I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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