I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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