They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
