His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
