I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
