was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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