Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
