that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize