grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
